My Top Two Tips for Dealing with a Child’s Belongings Going Missing at the Other Parent’s House

Few things frustrate co-parents more than a child’s clothes, toys, or personal items disappearing—or not returning—after parenting time with the other parent. In fact, in over 17 years of practicing family law, this is one of the most common complaints we hear. While it may seem like a small issue compared to other custody concerns, missing belongings can become a recurring source of tension and conflict if not handled thoughtfully.

So how can parents manage this issue without turning every sock or soccer cleat into a battleground? Here are two practical, tried-and-tested tips.

Tip 1: Don’t Send Anything You Can’t Afford to Lose

This may sound overly cautious, but it works. One of the most effective ways to reduce frustration is to stop sending items to the other parent’s home that you would be upset about not getting back. This applies to:

• Special outfits or keepsake clothing

• Expensive electronics

• Sentimental toys or gifts

• Personalized or custom items

Yes, there may be pushback—many parents say, “But they need their favorite hoodie!” or “They’re only comfortable in their own shoes.” But in most cases, a little planning and a backup set of essentials can go a long way in preserving your peace of mind.

Remember, your child doesn’t need to travel with their full closet or prized possessions every week. Stick to the basics, and you’ll reduce both the emotional and logistical headaches.

Tip 2: Prioritize Essentials—and Make Expectations Clear

There are, of course, exceptions. Some things have to go back and forth:

• School supplies and homework

• Sports uniforms and gear

• Musical instruments

• Medical items (e.g., inhalers, glasses)

For these essential items, communication is key. Here’s how to make the process smoother:

• Create a checklist. Especially for younger children, a physical or digital checklist can help both households keep track of what needs to return.

• Use a shared calendar or app. Tools like OurFamilyWizard or TalkingParents can document when items were sent and whether they returned.

• Have a respectful conversation. If the issue becomes frequent, avoid accusations and instead ask to work together to improve consistency.

Co-parenting is already filled with enough emotional complexity. Managing your child’s belongings doesn’t have to be a source of added stress.

Through our family law services, we help parents navigate everyday challenges like this while keeping the focus on what matters most—your child’s well-being and your co-parenting relationship.

Schedule a discovery call to learn how we can support you.