Divorce can seem like an ugly word. It can be scary. It can feel devastating. After all, no one enters a marriage with the expectation of it ending. We go into a marriage with all the hope, love, and faith in the world. The future is bright, and it feels as though nothing can stop you.
Unfortunately, sometimes it just doesn’t work out and breaking up is the only realistic answer. But that doesn’t mean that divorce needs to be hostile. In fact, regardless of what you may have seen on TV or in the tabloids, divorce can be amicable. It can be cordial. It can even be beautiful.
How can a divorce be beautiful, you may ask?
Gratitude.
Giving thanks can change your entire life. It can change your heart. Expressing gratitude has the power to help you cope and heal during divorce. This is true for a myriad of reasons, and there are many wonderful ways gratitude can be achieved. Remember, divorce is not necessarily the end of something. It can also be a new beginning. A new chapter of your relationship with one another.
However, learning how to stay positive during a divorce can make a significant difference in navigating this challenging time. Being thankful and showing gratitude can turn something typically seen as ugly into a positive experience. Cultivating an attitude of gratitude can help you transition from the end of a marriage into a wonderful new season of life.
Giving Thanks During Turbulent Times
Being thankful during troublesome times can feel next to impossible. You may feel as though your world is falling apart and you find yourself in a hole you can’t manage to get out of. Times may look dark. Times may feel hopeless. But they’re not.
Your situation is not hopeless. Practicing gratitude during a divorce can give you hope and lift your spirits. And the very thing that gives hope can also heal. Remembering the good things in life can also bring solace and contentment.
Why Being Thankful is Important
Being thankful is important every day of our lives. It is easy to be thankful during times of joy and happiness. It’s easy to be grateful when everything is going our way. But it’s a very different story when things are difficult. It’s hard to be grateful when your life feels like it’s being turned upside down. It’s hard to give thanks when you feel you have nothing to be thankful for.
But you do have something to be thankful for. And remembering to be thankful during your divorce can pave the way to a stronger relationship between you, your spouse, and your children post-divorce.
Gratitude also provides physical benefits. In fact, according to Harvard Health, “In positive psychology research, gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.”
This means that even after your divorce, you will be able to forge strong relationships without the emotional strain, or baggage, that can sometimes come with new relationships after a divorce.
That’s right! Being thankful now can actually help you overcome fear and obstacles while building new relationships in the future. This goes for the new relationship you will form with your spouse, as well as relationships with your children, extended family, and in a future relationship with someone new!
According to Psychology Today, “Gratitude opens the door to more relationships. Not only does saying “thank you” constitute good manners but showing appreciation can help you win new friends.”
Psychology Today also notes “Gratitude improves physical health. Grateful people experience fewer aches and pains and report feeling healthier than other people…They exercise more often and are more likely to attend regular check-ups, which is likely to contribute to further longevity.”
Finally, they point out “Gratitude improves psychological health. Gratitude reduces a multitude of toxic emotions, from envy and resentment to frustration and regret. Robert Emmons, a leading gratitude researcher, has conducted multiple studies on the link between gratitude and well-being. His research confirms that gratitude effectively increases happiness and reduces depression.”
Reasons to Practice Gratitude During a Divorce
There are many reasons to be thankful during a divorce. This is especially true when there are children involved. When kids are a part of the equation, their feelings and emotional stability must be a priority for the both of you. And that is why it is important to practice gratitude, not just towards yourself, but towards the other people in your life as well.
But don’t forget, much of your gratitude needs to be focused on yourself. Because if you’re not strong in your gratitude towards yourself, it will be difficult to keep your spirits up for others. But you can do it! For you and them. By practicing gratitude daily, you will set yourself up for peace, happiness, and prosperity for now and into the future.
The Mind (Mental Health)
As discussed earlier, being thankful for your life and for your loved ones and for every blessing you’ve experienced can keep your mind strong, healthy, and focused. Your mental health is key and remaining in a state of gratitude can keep you from feeling negative emotions such as envy or resentment.
The Body (Physical Health)
Practicing gratitude during a divorce can also help keep you physically healthy. This is partly because persistent mental stress and anguish results in large amounts of cortisol being released into the bloodstream. Excess cortisol is bad for your physical health, causing headaches and digestive issues to name a few. Gratitude helps to alleviate aches and pains, provides a deeper and better sleep, and gives you a more relaxed and content demeanor.
The Spirit (The Holistic Self)
The holistic aspect of your mind and body, your spirit, will become more balanced. A balanced spirit promotes a calm mind and delivers positive energy throughout your body and even shines to others. This energy is contagious, spreading to those around you, helping everyone involved to stay strong and positive.
The Benefits of Gratitude for Your Children
The benefits of being thankful and allowing this gratitude to fill your heart and soul have numerous benefits, but none more impacting than its effect on your children. Whether your kids are young or grown, a divorce between parents can affect every aspect of their lives. This is why it is so important to practice being grateful every day to help ensure this positive impact is felt by them. In all the ways gratitude will help you, it will help them as well.
Ways You Can Practice Gratitude During a Divorce
First, let’s be clear: gratitude is recognizing all the good things in your life and in yourself, and having a deep understanding and respect for how these things affect you. All things, big and small, have an impact on your life. A cool breeze on a hot day, remembering a card your child made for you on your birthday, hearing praise from a friend. All these things are positive moments in your life that you should be thankful for.
Remembering the love for your children that you and your spouse still share and always will and realizing that you still have common bonds that aren’t ending – taking time to contemplate these things can have a transforming effect on your emotional state during the divorce process.
Whether children are involved or not, no one wants to end a marriage full of regret, pain, and resentment.
But how do you avoid it and make your divorce positive and constructive? By putting gratitude into practice.
Here are a few ways you can begin practicing gratitude during a divorce.
Keep a Diary or Journal
A wonderful way to begin practicing gratitude is by starting a diary or journal. To do this, simply begin by writing down three things every day that you are grateful for.
Having a tough time getting started? Start with your past. Write down every little thing you can remember that you are thankful for. These can be things like someone allowing you to move ahead of them in line, or a compliment you received by someone special.
These can also be things you appreciate about your spouse during your marriage. Things like, is he or she a good parent? Is he or she attentive to the needs of others? Does he or she have a big heart, caring, and giving? Writing down the things you appreciate about that individual will go a long way towards alleviating any kind of resentment or anger.
Then don’t forget to keep track of things that are currently happening day-by-day that you are thankful for. A hug from a child. A smile from a stranger. Encouragement from family. Anything that makes you feel grateful for that moment that you were blessed to experience.
You can use a physical journal or an app to write down the things you are grateful for. There are many apps that can make it easier to keep a gratitude journal. A good one that we recommend is The Five Minute Journal, but there are many great choices!
Prayer or Meditation
If you are religious, prayer is a terrific way of releasing your emotions while asking for guidance and wisdom. Holding love in your heart will help you to rejoice in knowing that good things are in store for you, and that anger and pain are temporary.
Likewise, if you prefer meditation, allowing your mind to remove unwanted energy, and become full of positive feelings can elevate your heart and keep negativity at bay. As you meditate, focus on the positive feelings you have experienced during your life that made you feel good, happy, and complete. When negativity comes up, don’t try to suppress it. Just let it drift away as you exhale. Come back to your breath and re-focus on that for which you are grateful.
Prayer or meditation can be practiced regularly to fortify your mind, body, and spirit. Again, there are many great apps to assist you with meditation. There are many free guided meditations on YouTube as well. Find something that works for you and just stick with it. If you consistently show up for prayer or meditation over the course of a few days, you will start to feel immense benefits.
Seek Out Those You are Grateful To
Finally, reach out to those who you are grateful to for something they may have done in your life. Thank them, even if you already have. Thank them for that moment and try to express to them what it really did for you. And if you haven’t thanked them, or if you didn’t feel grateful at the time, now’s your chance to make it right. Let that person know that you didn’t realize it at the time, but that you are grateful for what they did. Even if it was something small.
Seeking out people who have made even a small difference in your life can be life-changing – for you and them. Not only will it reinforce positive energy in you, but you never know what someone else may be going through, and sometimes even a simple thank you can change the course of someone’s outlook on life. Nothing beats the gift of giving someone a smile.
Conclusion
Regardless of why your marriage is transforming into something new, practicing gratitude will not only make your divorce easier to digest, but it will also strengthen you and those around you. It will make you a better person and it will show your children, family, and those around you that even during times like these, you can feel thankful, calm, and hopeful.
Being thankful for all the positive things in your life, both past and present, can change you in ways you would never have known otherwise. Not only will you be a better person for it, but you will teach those around you how to be courageous and how to grow as a person even during challenging times.
Being grateful for all the wonderful things that are going to happen to you in the future can shift your mindset and set you up to take advantage of all the good things that are going to pop up in your life.
And remember, a divorce isn’t the end. It can also be a brand-new beginning.
Jeanette Soltys, J.D., is a distinguished Georgia divorce attorney and a leading authority in alternative dispute resolution techniques such as amicable divorce. She obtained her Juris Doctor from Wake Forest University School of Law and is admitted to the bar in the state of Georgia. Additionally, she is a Certified Amicable Divorce Professional (CADP).